Monday, 1 March 2010
The Day of Artisitic Sensibilities
Right, now that the enthusiasm is out of the way, I can get right down to it. I'm pissed off. Like Zinedine Zidane headbutt pissed off.
I know what's doing it too, but I just have no way of fixing it. I let the past haunt me somewhat. I'll never be able to let go of a mistake, missed opportunity or losing somebody. If I could have a reset button surgically attached to my ass, that'd be fab! So I suppose today and last night has been a group session with me and my demons, woo!!
Therefore in time of such doubt I turn to the big book! No, not the bible ... maybe later. Remember the big book of birthdays I talked about waaaaaaay back? No? Well there's a picture up top for you Alzheimer's hopefuls.
So I scanned down today's page to the Advice section, which read thusly;
"Don't always look for the door. Build up the aggressive side of your nature. Find what really suits you, realistically, but beware of being swallowed up by your role"
Lets break down that rather simple yet brilliant slice of feel-good pie shall we;
Don't always look for the door - Stop chasing questions that can't be answered (waaaay ahead on that one)
Build up the aggressive side of your nature - Now this might me hilarious to some of you who have known me for less than a few years. Yes, I am capable of being angry, it happens extremely infrequently, but sadly scares the shit out of my best mates. So I poured all my aggression into a drum kit today. Turns out I have my rhythm back - win!
Find what really suits you, realistically, but beware of being swallowed up by your role - I'm soon going head first into teacher trainer, it's a nurturing kinda job, it's what I do. I've had people phone me up at all hours, cry on my shoulder, use me as a therapist during free periods in school, for as long as I can remember. I like helping people. But who helps the helpers ya'know?
Yet, blogging how I feel everyday, makes me feel a tad better. If one person is reading this and is the same boat and can empathize, then I guess this is all worth it.
Alas, I have an hour and half left to stuff my face before the fasting for my blood-test, yet I'm dieting ... wonder if I'm allowed Ice-cream? Mmmmmm.
Well meditate on this blog-stalkers!
"An aesthetic person sees beauty in the ordinary"