Sunday, 28 February 2010

The Day of Zest

It's sunday folks!!!!!

Oh yes, that's right. You're hungover as fuck.


It's a crappy. lazy sunday, you've nothing to do and no-one to spend it with


You spent it all day doing course-work and you're reward will probably be a half slept night before work/uni tomorrow

Geez, and they say Mondays are bad, it has some serious competition today!
What did I do? You may ask?
Well, I had the lovely combination of the three, thanks very much!

I didn't drink last night; I was offered to go the "The Venue" and whilst I woud love to dress as emo as possible and thrash around to Papa Roach, I'm having to safeguard my monies for the next time I go wanderin'! Nevertheless, I woke up feeling like my three weeks of indulgent living smacked me up the face.
Anybody to hang-out with today? Ahhh, of course, I live in Ballyclare, everyone in quiet a drive away :(
As for work? More teaching malarky and whilst I did have some fun recording some vocals, the software would have to crash right? Right. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy >:(

All that aside, it's been a good day to set some goals in motion, perhaps you remember my blog on how I'm spending my"rehab time" ;

If not, see the above picture!

So, I've stuck to my guns, invested in home-gym equipment and I'm ready feel the burn, boo-yeah!!!

Now to you ladies and jellyspoons, what was your goal for the end of the day? Next week, month, season etc? Even if you think it's the teeniest bit unrealistic, how do you think you're going to go about it? Go on, please leave a comment! I know alot of you read this, I'm just curious of what you're after, that's all!

But alas, the quote collection grows bigger still;

"The object of one's enthusiasm is at least as important as the enthusiasm itself"

Feel free to ...

Nevin, xxo

Saturday, 27 February 2010

The Day of the Reality Masters

New hairstlye - check

Job "interview" - check

Understanding the "whys", "hows", "whens" and "why the fuck nots?" of my life? - still workin' on that one ...

I was thinking alot today of being five years old again. In particular, my first day of school. If the person who left you there told you "this is the first step of the greatest adventure of your life" you'd feel a little short changed;

"Nevin, today is the first step of the greatest adventu..."
"YAY! It's morphin' time ... mummy, you lied, I'm not a power ranger ..."

But really if I had been told that, I wouldn't have found any significance to it. Now is an entirely different story.
I've known two of my best friends since the first day of school, I had my first kiss there, it pushed me to the grammar shcool I attended. The people I met in B.R.A helped shape me far more than I realisied, far more than was in my control. I suppose what I'm trying to put across is that we never understand the journey until we get to the destination, and that I waste alot of time trying to make sense of things, looking for a pattern to it all and trying to pin-point "where it all went wrong", where I do well and how I can try to make myself better everyday.

I ask myself all the time, would the "five-year-old-you" be happy with the "present-you"?

Now, whilst I am disappointed that I never have, and possibly never will be a power ranger/spider-man/ rock-star, I think lil' Nev would be happy with me not being a scaredy-cat, but frustratingly I don't now if I had any goals for myself back then.

Well just some food for thought today, try and remember you're five-year-old self, I bet he/she knew how to eat life with a shovel and didn't poke at life's little complications.

""Necessity" is a relative term"

Still wearing it on my sleeve,
Nevin xxo

Friday, 26 February 2010

The Day of Arousal

Total money spent: An entire bank account; I ran out in Manchester and Boyd lent me a tenner!

Hours spent hypnotised: 2.5

Hours of fame in Newcastle: 5.5

When I last made a post, I had made it to Nottingham and was without medication. I was off of it for for around a week in total, two days in particular were especially "swingy",so I have to congratulate Michael Wilkinson for enjoying/handling that!

My stay is Newcastle was surprisingly awesome. No sooner had I stepped off the bus and Wilky had fed me dinner (he's a good lad that Wilky, I don't why EVERYBODY speak so much shit about him. Maybe it's because he ... well,I'll go into that another day :P ) that I went to see a play called ROAD in a warehouse. It was an amazing mesh of comedy and tragedy.looking at working class communities in the thick of a labour-strike. A few drunken and fumbly scenes made it worth a giggle, and yes they were a fucking sexy bunch of people. Right after that, was the after party, if you want to know just look for the pictures on Facebook ... the same can be said for the Rocky Horror Picture Show party!

At the end of the week, I went to visit Bethany and Laura, who treated me to a night out starting with a Hypnotist. I am a HUAAAAAAGE sceptic of hypnotism, and not being shy of a stage or an audience I jumped up and joined 17 other suitably "game" folk. Let me tell you, it works. She chilled us out for about 15 mins before "putting us under". I danced to "All the single ladies", gave a speech as Tony Blair, sang "Don't Stop Believin'" (glee style) performed my favourite sexual positions and stripped a la The Full Monty. This in turn made me extremely famous for the night, and according to Bethany;"I didn't take advantage of it"

This of course is the extremely abridged version of the story, but it has firmly put Newcastle as one the forerunners for University next year. There are few other places where I've settled in so quickly or made so many cool mates.

The conclusion of my trip was exactly what I needed; a good wind down. Manchester and Boyd were the perfect solution. Hanging out with him felt like the old days, watching stupid comedies, playing video games, piles of junk food and generally nerding it up - what a guy!

So now I'm home, I've blood tests ahead of me, so I get to see how the pills have helped me out!

Other than that, the past 24 hours have been me trying to tie up loose ends and push things forward. My applications for University are ready to go and I've decided that Aberdeen, Glasgow, Manchester and Newcastle are the places for me, for various reasons.
I also went into a rather familiar comic store today and was offered my old job back, for a spilt second I thought that this would be a step-back, but why? I've just blown about a grand, and in a time when most people are killing each other for employment, it's being thrown on my lap! AND it's something I now know a lot about, I hope I get a phone-call soon!

Speaking of which, I haven't had many texts/phone calls between 12 and 4am, did people suddenly stop drinking or do they know now that my insomnia fades with every day?

So all in all, I'm having a mostly good time. My biggest quibble regards me making decisions, or rather my inability to do so. I certainly don't want things to be very easy or simple, but I have the very cliché issue of my heart, mind (and sometimes) body not agreeing. What always wins out for you guys?

My meditation for today then is this;

"Awakening others carries tremendous responsibilities"

I hope that helps you in some way, because I'm not sure how it applies to my life. Perhaps I need to be careful with people.

Anyway, this had been a rather large blog, so I'll let you go get on with your lives. Looking forward to catching up with the Belfast peeps, and if you live in one of my "university cities" I may be crashing on your floor in the future, don't worry though, I'll take you out as payment!

Love you, Nev xxo

Friday, 12 February 2010

The Day of Unifier

Money pretty much thrown away: £90-120

Smirnoff ices drank: 4

Minds blown by watching Memento : *BOOM*

So today marks the third day without medication, and honestly, it really shows. Once I was past all the madness that is jumping around London trains and tubes, I was near rock bottom. Never again am I skipping staying up late, skipping breakfast, wandering around all day, WITHOUT me medicine! BUT thats not to say I'm starting to rely on it and makes excuses with it, just that I need to be responsible and shiz like that!

But anyway, as spring is approaching, I felt it's time to look forward to a new beginnings. New Year's isn't a new start, lets face it. We start January dressed like frenchmen, pissed off our faces and stuffed with pizza ... well I did anyway (and yes it was my best day at work ever)
I'll admit that in the past couple of weeks, I've been tieing up loose ends, cut off things that are bad for me, things get better and easier everyday.

So over the next fortnight, why not try to "air-out" your life in time for spring. But whilst you may walk away from emotional dead-weights, a shitty job or something that's a toxic influence, please make sure you make space for new things and people to barge into your life.

"Without breakdown and decay, there can be no rejuvanation"

Enjoy your weekend boys and girls ;) xxo

Thursday, 11 February 2010

The Day of Improved Comfort

Days without pills: 2 (I'm so fecked!)

Hours slept : An "off and on" 8!!

They say that anything you get easily in life isn't worth having. I say that anything that came easily in life is a blessing, but can too easily be taken for granted.
I think we can all remember a time when everything was so much simpler, no stress, no worries ...yeah and nothing of real value. Yes, childhood was a sweet time, mainly because it involved eating a lot of sweets AND the power rangers were fucking awesome but there's NO WAY you can say it's better than now.

Think off all the seriously bad shit that has happened to you, say, since the start of high school. It sucks, exclusion, bullying, sickness, death, unemployment, homelessness, heartbreak. I'm sure we can can all tick a few of those boxes.
Made us better though, right?
Life keeps tripping us, and we keep getting up. Everytime we do we're smarter, funner, stronger, generally more bad-ass than we were before. Just like being sandwiched between Samuel.L.Jackson and Chuck Norris, and their awesomeness rubbed off on us.

So if you're down in the dumps, the weight of the world is upon you and you can't get over what you've lost. Deep down, no matter how much you don't wan't to admit it, you're going to be much, much better sooner or later.

"The pursuit of pleasure ultimately involves the suffering of pain"

I'll keep builing on this idea in the next couple of posts.
Will I be writing an excited, soppy, loved-up Valentine's post? If I can make it funny...

-Nev xx

The Day of Acclaim

Money blown on trains: Soooooo much!

Medication taken: None

Beds usurped: 1 (Take that Alex)

Firstly, let me apologize for not blogging yesterday, and that this blog is late by about an hour and half, but cut me some slack, I'm investing all my time and money getting all my friends buzzed, you never know, the next person could be you, or you ... OR YOU!!!

This is the first day where I've forgotten to take my meds (i've left them in Scotland, and I'm in London now) so I can't wait until I go slightly and rather entertainingly mad!

Anyway, keeping it brisk and extremely unpreachy tonight, just wanting to spread some down-to-earth advice and and take some pressure off your possibly stressed, un-massaged shoulders ( you poor souls)

"Acceptance and universal values are important, but so are washing the dishes and mopping the floor"

So goodnight, I'd kill for a cuddle!

- Nev xx

Monday, 8 February 2010

The Day of Precognition

Dishes washed: Sooooo many, few of which were mine!

Scary thing done today: Tried Call of Duty (I am not accepted back into the male population now apparantly)

Progress has been made today! I feel as though I'm slipping back into a sleeping pattern I had in my late teens. It involves a hectic weekend followed by a sunday night weere I sleep extremely patchily (normally in 30-45 minute bursts). It is how my fine Belfast-born-brethren would describe it as "fuckin' desperate like"

Though I feel like my Sundays will be like this for some time, I think it wil get slowly better as time goes on.

Now here's the "WTF moment" ; what do you think about precognition? Being able to sense a future event.

It's something, that on occassion, would happen with me during this particular sleep pattern. Normally, it's nothing overly serious, nothing on the scale you may have seen in "Heroes" though there has been the odd exception.
I remember pieceing together a dream in which;
a) I was removed early from an exam
b) My Dad would fall down in his work cafeteria, and
c) I was wandering around brightly lit corridors.

So upon waking, I told my Dad to be careful that day and figured I'd get in trouble during an exam for cheating or something.

I'm half-way through a Physics paper, which gets interrupted by "Would Nevin Officer immediately report to the school office?"
I'm told that my Dad has had a heart-attack and collapsed during lunch.

I would of course end up walking down many a white hallways, before I get to see my dad. Oddly joyful and telling us how people at work asked him' "You alright Colin?"
"Aye I'm grand," he'd reply. "Just a heart attack"

Needless to say me and my dad where a teensy bit freaked for a number of weeks.

But anywho, back to the juiciness. A blonde-haired, "Norn-Iron", female friend of mine is going to find a new boyfriend soon. I'm not spilling names because I don't want to jeopardise it happening, but if it happens, here is the recorded truth and I'll get this person to back it up!

Anyway, not long now kids, goodnight, sleep well and chew on this for supper;

"Though talents may be given, they need to be cultivated"

-Nev, xx

The Day Of Utopia

The day in brief: Tiny hangover
Mate made me pancakes
Brother's best mate made me dinner.
(I must have been a good boy)

Well I think congratulations are in order for everyone who kept me away from a computer last night, now the stories and embarrassing sentiment I spew was isolated to less than a dozen people and whatever strangers were (un)lucky enough to cross my path last night.

But anyway, Back to the blog!

So, what's your idea of the perfect world? Or better yet, your perfect life.
I was a very naive kid, the only plan I ever had was that I would get a job as soon as I could and save every penny until after university.
Now, what I planned to do with the money, if either hilarious, cute, silly or pathetic, depending entirely on your viewpoint. Unless you're one of those mix and match annoying bastards who will see a little of everything. Seriously, I'm kidding. I love you indecisive bastards
I figured when I was little, that by the time I was 22 I'd be ready to buy a place or use the money to get married. Yes, the value of a pound wasn't quiet apparrant to me at 11 years old, but still, I thought it was a solid plan.
So, I'm 22, the "perfect plan" was poorly conceived and became far less realistic as the years fell off the calender. So for the first time since I was 16, I'm single, not working and don't have a notion where to live.
The plan? Go travelling.
The problem? Hypothyroidism.
Current situation? Visiting everyone I've met who likes to party, only stopping for blood tests and teaching work.

Wasn't my plan, but fuck it, plan C it is!!

Once I've seen everybody and anybody who will let me crash on the sofa/floor in exchange for me boozing them up, I'm going to work my ass of on getting on a teaching course. Escape Norn Iron? Yes. Very much so.

After that?
I think I'm going to steal one of you for a week in the summer.
Everyone needs/wants that strange mate who takes them on holiday, right?

That's my plan.

Enjoy your quote of the day, and I hope I don't have to wait too long to see you.

"An ideal world can only be created by ideal people"

-Nev xxo

Saturday, 6 February 2010

The Day of Popularity

ATM visits last night - 4

CLUBS/BARS visited - 4

Embarrassment level - Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinksy scandal

After reading my last blog, it would seem that my titles aren't always that appropriate, so I may be doomed tonight if this title is true.

So, hands up to anyone who's embarrassingly unaware of themselves, just me? Thought so.
No matter how well I think I've got it all figured out or know the answers, I go and make a total ass of myself and life serves me up a more than generous slice of humble pie ... it tastes like cheap cider.Which in turn means less preachy babble from me, and more actual documenting of things.

Today was a stuggle, out drinking (apparantly) to half 3, then stayed up doing silly drunk things until about 5, then waking at 7-ish to take my meds. An ideal start to the day eh?

It's been mood-swing city today, I haven't been the same person one hour to the next, hopefully I don't turn into a moody bugger. Anyway, going to go do what I did last night, times two , just more carefully. I've asked to be kept away from facebook when I get back, I hope that stick!

I'll leave you with my token quote;

"The mirror sees nothing - it only reflects"

You'll be see seeing and hearing from me,
Nev xx

The Day of Quiet Eloquence

I was meant to write this blog hours ago, but something came up. I arrived in Scotland, met one of my best mates and got verrrrrrry drunk.

But regardless, today counts as yesterday, I believe.

So, yes. Today I wished to talk about seizing opportuninties. (Please excuse my spelling, grammar and such, I VERY driunk)

For example, I was sitting on the boat this morning and approached to enter a raffle. I barely asked what it was for, instead asking "is it a quid?!!, it was , so rightly so, I handed ovr that little coin and got a number 5 raffle ticket ... an hour later I had won a big prize.

The moral of this story? Get involved. Being shy is not an excuse, I'm rather shy but I don't let it hold me back.

I've heard that " Getting a fire started can be much easier than extinguishing it"

I say, let the fire burn!!! I won't be held back by restrictiuons, this is my life, I'll forge it how I choose, I've been been called a "rather bold boy" in the past, I'm very comfortable with that, I even have a, saying/motto/lyric that decsribes my stance on such a manner and I'm not afraid to admit that it's slighltly egotistical;

"Just because my fire burns twice as bright, doesn't mean it burns out twice as fast... or AT ALL"

Life is NOT a spectator sport, get involved! Sure it maybe fun to giggle, laugh and judge, but do you join in as much as you should? I won a prize worth waaaaaaaay more than a quid, just because I figured "fuck it"

Promise me that tomoorow, you'll do something bold, please!!

I really do love you, I'd go mad is none of you were part of my life!!!

(Ridicoulsy bad blog, but I blame the Jagermesiter AND scotland!!!)

mwah mwah mwah!!! xo

Thursday, 4 February 2010

The Day of the Curveballer

To eschew tradition, I'm going to start with the advice that was thrown my way today, thrown. You get it? See it's the Day of the um Curveballer and ... yeah... I suck.

" Some thoughts are better kept to yourself. Work on yourself privately and get some things straightened out. Your eccentricities are charming but can also irritate people at times. Learn to laugh at yourself, occasionally."

Well, I have the laughing at myself part nailed down, but keeping stuff to myself, yep I'm shit at that. Don't get me wrong, if I'm trusted with someone else's secret I keep it tighter than Miley Cyrus's chastity guarded my dinosaur-riding Chuck Norris clones. But personally, I tell most people, most things about me.

I think I'm really up-front about things, and luckily for me, it hasn't scared people off, odds are, when I met you (yes you, dear, sweet, beautiful,possibly non-existent reader) I probably hugged you rather than shook your hand, said something quirky to make you laugh, or of course; "so, what can I get you and your friends?"

So perhaps less blogging? Less sharing? More secretive? Eek! I'll constantly have that little bit of saliva on my lip that means I know something juicy.

"Once the ball is in the air, almost anything can happen"

I think I've thrown it and not fully realised.

Hopefully be with you soon, Nev XoxO

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

The Day of Exacting Realism

Craving: General Indulgence!!

Listening to:

If you've noticed so far, since the start of February, each post is titled "The Day of" . These are lifted from a huge book that I've had for years called "The Secret Language of Birthdays" . It's a book heavily focused on astrology, personology, tarot and the characters of many famous, influencial or note-worthy people.

This is where I expect you to chip in and say;
"Nev. We, Don't. Give. A Fuck." "We just want to hear about you going mad with stress, make silly jokes and generally be an emotional mess ... you know, the usual you."

I agree, but just give me a sec to explain this. I was always a terribly shy person. I tended towards staying in the background, even when that wasn't the natural place I should have been. I don't think I began to be comfortable in my own skin (whilst sober) until sixth year.
It was books like these that made me so interested in personality types, and dared me to take a step out of the shadow and have a "wild-side".
Yes I became the booze-hound, the dancing fiend, the streaker and the performer; the whole while screaming inside like a first-timer on a rollercoaster.

Today, I'm struggling. I'm anxious and doubting myself. It's not very attractive! It's like my past is haunting me again.

So since there's nobody here to talk to, I turn once again to this treasure chest of a book, fortunately every day has a little advice section;

"Hang in there. Try to hold up your end of the deal and don't cut out so easily. A few rules never hurt anybody. Don't be frightened of feelings. We all have to face responsibilities sooner or later"

The mediatation is just as good;
"Non-attachment is a good thing, but no-one can become attached to that as well"

I'm VERY tired of my one-man wolf pack :P

(This is definitelyme being in the "I need a hug" mood)

Until tomorrow peeps!
Love, Nevin xo

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

The Day of Class

Curently listening to: Foo Fighters


Craving: M&Ms, cream eggs, white chocolate cookies
"The simplest tastes are often the most elegant"

Mood: Lonely ... is that a mood?

I wrote before that I've been sleeping alot better. I normally get about six hours of undisturbed sleep, which is fantastic, but of course I've hit a snag. Last night I had one big long BAD dream. Not a nightmare per se, there were no monsters or murderers, death/blood/destruction etc. Just a big morale-sapping dream, like I was telling myself, "you can't do this OR that", "what will x think..." and so on. So I've alot of doubt in my mind right now, anxiety has crept back in, I don't know if that's the remaining pang of a "chemical imbalance" or an actual warning sign to myself, only the next week or so will tell.

This is probably my most downbeat blog, I'll make sure I remember this as a low point, hopefully I'll get to prove it wrong tomorrow after a better night. Anyways, I shant depress you anymore. Hopefully a happier Nev tomorrow!

Mwah! xox

Monday, 1 February 2010

The Day Of Willfulness

Febuary 1st : The Day Of Willfulness

Dosage: 50mg

Guitars tuned:1
Keyboards ignored:1
Drum Kits bashed at:1

Valentine's day-o-meter: Giddy (yet I'm single, figure that one out!)

It's the first of Febuary, and I'll be the first to admit it, I'm panicked! I had the easiest January of my life, no exams, totally unemployed for the first time in my life, I could do whatever I wanted! But now the year has officially begun and I've got more jitters than Michael.J.Fox left out in the snow.
Firstly, my uni options. I can't think of a fourth Uni to go to in England, but if I take Scotland into consideration then I feel spoilt for choice!!
Then there's the "getting a job" bit. I've worked since I was 16, and at times I've had two jobs. But after having nothing for a month, I'm at a loss to what I want to do! I've done my time serving drinks, making coffee, cooking pizza's etc. I even had my dream job of working in a cmic-store. Where do you see me next? Hollister? I'm sorry I don't have the jaw-line or the over-inflated god-complex to work there. I'm damn sure my personality would get in the way too!

Anyway, if you're curious about med-related stuff, I've found that having a good feed does to me, what a Johnny Depp film, a warm blankie and lots of Chocolates does to a lady on a quiet night; gives me a buzz and a warm tingling sensation... but I shant assume anymore or go into details *cough*

Anyway, hope you're all well and had a good start to your week, I'llleave you with a quote before my virtual hug and kiss.

"The mind not only comes with a personal computer, but also a modem for connecting with the rest of the Universe"

Mediate on that friends ...(you hippie bastards)

Much lovage - Nev Nev Nev xo