Craving: General Indulgence!!
Listening to: http://www.last.fm/music/Dashboard+Confessional/_/Again+I+Go+Unnoticed
If you've noticed so far, since the start of February, each post is titled "The Day of" . These are lifted from a huge book that I've had for years called "The Secret Language of Birthdays" . It's a book heavily focused on astrology, personology, tarot and the characters of many famous, influencial or note-worthy people.
This is where I expect you to chip in and say;
"Nev. We, Don't. Give. A Fuck." "We just want to hear about you going mad with stress, make silly jokes and generally be an emotional mess ... you know, the usual you."
I agree, but just give me a sec to explain this. I was always a terribly shy person. I tended towards staying in the background, even when that wasn't the natural place I should have been. I don't think I began to be comfortable in my own skin (whilst sober) until sixth year.
It was books like these that made me so interested in personality types, and dared me to take a step out of the shadow and have a "wild-side".
Yes I became the booze-hound, the dancing fiend, the streaker and the performer; the whole while screaming inside like a first-timer on a rollercoaster.
Today, I'm struggling. I'm anxious and doubting myself. It's not very attractive! It's like my past is haunting me again.
So since there's nobody here to talk to, I turn once again to this treasure chest of a book, fortunately every day has a little advice section;
"Hang in there. Try to hold up your end of the deal and don't cut out so easily. A few rules never hurt anybody. Don't be frightened of feelings. We all have to face responsibilities sooner or later"
The mediatation is just as good;
"Non-attachment is a good thing, but no-one can become attached to that as well"
I'm VERY tired of my one-man wolf pack :P
(This is definitelyme being in the "I need a hug" mood)
Until tomorrow peeps!
Love, Nevin xo