The Meltdown

I'm having one.

To update my University situation, it goes like this.

I was having a "cheat day" on Monday, so I decided to indulge in some fish &chips from Bishops, and whilst waiting on this greasy delicious filthiness, i received a phone-call.

"Nevin, we absolutely loved your application, but since it came to us after the new year, we're hard-pressed to fit you in. Why did you leave it so late?"

Gap year, travelling, saving, not well, no travelling, three week bender, apply.

"We hope to see you in the future Nevin, as like we said, we were intrigued by your forms, goodbye."

My fish and chips weren't even that good. Gutted.

So my application is still with Strathclyde, so maybe there's hope, if not, then it gets passed to Manchester. After my first and second choice are ruled out, i told myself I wouldn't go somewhere else. I did that with Aberdeen,my saving grace there was that I made amazing friends who helped me sail through that year. I wouldn't be guaranteed that luck again.

So I continue to study for a teaching interview that may or may not happen, the whole while wondering; "What am I doing here, shouldn't I just move, there's plenty of places that'd be happy to have you."

It all stems from not knowing what I want to do, what best suit, where to go, where is best for me, what people to surround myself with, what people actually want or need me around.

So after four nights in a row with bad sleep, horrible dreams, and STILL no chocolate! I decided I'd do something for myself today.
I had an interview with Blast fm. An up and coming radio station based in Belfast, with a view to having a radio show. That'd be pretty fucking awesome eh?

I had a wee poke in "that" book today to see if the meditation was at all appropriate. Must be my lucky day.

"When one door closes, another door opens"

- Nev

This summer...

Is going to be fudging awesome.

I'm going to finally take the plunge and that lion tattoo on my pec/moob/ whatever-state-it's-in.

I'm a proud Leo after all.

I Have This Thought that...

Even though the puzzle pieces are falling into place - it doesn't mean it's going to make the picture I want to see.

- Nevin xxo

Just To Say

I'm chowing on a cheese-toastie, PB on toast and raspberries. - Just did a weights session and you gotta hit the protein FAST!!

Blood tests tomorrow, lots and lots of Bloodtests! Let's hope my numbers are good so I can get silly over the next few weeks!!

If I know ya', I'm lookin out for ya'

(Yeah I talk all gangsta and shit now!)

- Nevin xxo

Ahh!

Hair ... pretty please, GERMINATE!!!

The Day of the Observer

Quick album review;
Kids in Glass Houses : Dirt - 7.7/10

Is it pop-punk or Indie rock? Somehow they cover all the bases. It's the perfect album for parties or getting ready to go out, I'm absolutly loving it. It even has guest vocals from New Found Glory and Frankie from The Saturdays - AWESOME!!!

The Post!

I'll start oddly with my Meditation-quote-deelio;

"My responsibility for the world begins and ends with Myself"

I'm an observer, a curious dude, I throw big questions around, I'm a self professed "fixer"

Maybe I've been doing things wrong. Reading back on my posts, I sometimes think, "Am I being Dogmatic, am I imposing my beliefs on the reader?
Too dramatic?
A bit lofty?
I haven't a clue.

So I might take a break until I get other opinions, maybe I'll change the format.

Perhaps I'm just knackerd
Weight lifting + drumming + jogging + singing = Worn out Nev

Ciao for now
-Nevin xxo

The Day of Innocence

Before you take a gander, be sure to have a little look over my post "The Day of Integrity" (posted two days ago) I already started talking on this topic.

I would say there is the general consensus that innocence is slowly eroded with every passing year and every action we take. I already mentioned the particular things that are associated with this loss, so I wont spend time mentioning them again, only that we seem to have a scale of "OMG my innocence has just been fucked up!"

Then there's the idea that if we hadn't done this, read that, googled blue waffle, we'd be divine creatures, once more like our babby-counterparts. (Intentional spelling of "baby"!!)
So yeah a bit of mind-wiping a la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, yes?

Of course it doesn't exist yet;
"Targeted memory erasure is a fictional non-surgical procedure. Its purpose is the focused erasure of memories, particularly unwanted and painful memories"

Though we're not without our own cure;
"...it is a mild form of brain damage comparable to a "night of heavy drinking."

So in turn, I drink because I want to be more innocent?

No.

I have done bad things.
I've made mistakes.
I have regrets.
I have my faults.

I'm still innocent.
Odds are you are too.

So who's up for a little corruption? eh? funny? Yes? No. You're right, never.

But if you still feel like you've made yourself shut something or someone off, you feel hurt or damaged or generally "bad",just think about this. It may be bleak, but it quickly pushes you through a few steps in one sentence.

"Most depression is only anger - most anger, fear"



As for me. I'm gonna get back to making Easter goodies for my mates.

You know where to reach me, Facebook and 02 pay me now!
-Nev XoxO